Saturday, June 26, 2010

Acceptance and Deep Waters

"Sometimes in our search for love and acceptance we are eager to grab onto the first thing that comes our way. We are blind. This doesn't make us any less deserving or important. It doesn't make us any less sincere or lame in any way. It makes us human and more importantly, shows we have a heart which in the end may be seem a little worse for wear but is actually stronger and more capable of greater acts of love."

The above is what I wrote to a friend recently who is looking for a connection with someone. Not marriage, more than friendship but a true connection. I think the majority of us are looking for a true connection with someone even if it be a life long friend. I believe that sometimes connections are started long before we realize it. How do you remember a name of someone and not another? How is it that you feel comfortable with a person after a very short time together as if you have been together your whole life?

More importantly at least in my mind at the moment is if the longevity of a relationship will be affected if you voice your pleasure in these things. I always thought if a person cared for you on the same level then, sharing your thoughts would only cement things. Now, I am beginning to wonder if it is the know, like bad cement. Cement that weighs things down and makes you feel claustrophobic to the point of wanting to be deaf so you don't have to hear the words spoken to you.

Additionally, I am not even sure labels are appropriate. Labels like "relationship". Does this just box us in even further? I have never thought this way before. I am now because I like someone that I want to treat rather delicately because I want to keep him around. Delicate is a funny word to use in the same train of thought with this man. I don't believe there is anything delicate about him but I could be wrong. Men are so different.

I like the way he walks and dips towards me so he can get closer to talk. I watch his movements and am feeling a bit drawn in by him. His kisses take my breath away and even make me pause. I love the sound of his voice and how sometimes I hear softness in it. I am in "it" and I know it.

Its like being in a lake and realizing your in the deep water. You welcome it, the coolness and the buoyancy of your body while there. You can float away and dream and not have a care. Light streaks through the water and mesmerizes you. It could be moonlight or sunlight, it makes no difference for now you are finding you would rather stay awake to savor all of life's moments.

A happy life is made up of these, little moments that we don't want to let go of. Special people that without even trying make our world a better place. In my world; the sun is always shining, the birds are always singing and the rain when it falls plays music as it lands.

I always reread my posts before actually publishing them. I feel the need to explain about special people and being "blind". Everyone has something very special about them, unique to them. When someone shares insight, a talent, their time or knowledge it is a special thing. They are sharing bits of themselves and I appreciate these things. You don't have to be extremely important, hold a high level job or be a rock star to be special. I find things in almost every person I know that are unique and special to them and I enjoy finding them out.

On the subject of being "blind". We don't always know we are behaving this way. I say behaving because we all know I do not mean literally we can not see. We choose not to see certain things in the midst of a relationship. We can be blind to some things and make allowances for others. Often, we discover we are willing to overlook things we never thought we could. We do this because all of the special things about a person outweighs that one thing that maybe before would have mattered.

I am walking with my eyes wide open and loving life. Life is too short to live with regrets and also too short to spend worrying about things that will more than likely never come to fruition.

Blessings to all,