Monday, July 26, 2010

Hello Brain, Meet my Heart

I am beginning to wonder...

What man would meet, date and eventually successfully marry an artist of any type. Notice I said successfully. Simple, artists are not. Complex, intelligent and tasty. Not to mention often spiced with a sense of humor even while being unable to recite actual jokes, like me. I am joke handicapped.

I would love to hear from my followers, many of you are artists. We are unique, to say the least. We usually have multiple interests and don't sit idle for long. This writing at the computer is the closest I come to sitting still. Many of you, like me are more than likely also insomniacs. God forbid we miss out on starlight, moonlight or daylight for that matter. There just is not enough time in the day, seriously for all that I want and need to do.

I am not joking when I say I want to open my own cafe/coffee house complete with clothes closet and soup kitchen. In it I would also have a gift shop area to sell handcrafted items and if able, I would offer boarding either for people on the spectrum or the broken hearted. This last one is a new concept that I am sure my business plan writer will have a field day with. I want to offer temporary housing to women who have no where to go and have to or want to leave their husbands.

And yes, I am growing my hair out for Locks of Love. This is going to be as tough as opening my own brick and mortar store. Already, I am not liking the way my hair is laying. I need a hat. I have ventured to Target twice and tried them on, even found one I like a lot. But it is WOOL and it is summer!

I am rambling and my words are getting a bit off topic. Where was I going with this? I know....

I consider myself an artist. I am in no particular hurry to meet someone new. I really should concentrate on my goals. Refer to my other blog to read on those. Publish, school, work, jewelry, store. Those are my goals in a nutshell. I write on four blogs,, in journals and now, I am writing a story. I also create jewelry and small sculptures and beads with clay. I can paint a little and do rub on art. I took a few lamp working classes and if I kept it up, I may be ok. I once learned to play the violin. I even dabbled in stamping. I can sew, bake and decorate.

My thought here is who the heck is going to understand all that I want to do and all that is in my head and give me the time and space to do it? All the while remembering that I tend to give 200% and will make the time for people in my life. Especially someone who would understand and embrace my thoughts and lifestyle. That's another subject. I have forgone china, big houses, cable tv and more to live simply to create. Not only does a person have to understand that but they have to be non judgmental, patient and passionate. They would have to look past my skull and cross bone tennis shoes, my silver spoon rings, my gunmetal nail polish and see my soul.

These things I wear, they are like a shield against what I will call suits. God love them and someone has to be them but I want someone willing to be silly. I have never met a "suit" that was silly. That same person would also have to sit down and drink coffee with me and stick their nose in a book or watch old movies and play Monopoly, Scrabble and Yahtzee. If they loved the sound of water as much as race cars then even better!

Yep, hello brain, meet my heart.

Let's face it. Not only are we artist types not simple folks but brain, heart, soul, physical, mental...all connected. Dot to dot. I have met some that are close to this that are not artists. But it seems I meet many that have a broken chain. No dot to dot, something is missing.

Another goal of mine is to change the world one word at a time. If I can make you question, think, analyze, make a change in your life or someone else's then, I have done well.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Must You Ask? For I am in Waiting

I am at that point today, in waiting. Feeling like something is about to happen and I can not leave the house for I feel like I might miss something if I do. I have many thoughts rattling about in my head that won't come together for I find myself fighting them. When I put myself in this predicament, I read my previous writings to try and gain insight. Funny thought, isn't it? To gain insight into yourself.

The questions that are asked by me or other people seem to be the same. Or perhaps we are just fishing for the same answers. I am unable to lie so when I am presented with a question I am not ready for I simply say "I don't know". It's not a lie really; it’s just that I truly don't know. I don't know if I am ready to answer the question that is. An even better admission is I am not ready to tell myself the answer.

I need a place to retreat to and I am physically unable to do so. Hours and hours will pass before I am able to truly retreat. I am finding I want and require more "head space". I can no longer find it where I am at. I can usually accomplish this separation of space, head and heart no matter where I am geographically. Frustration of the task not completed is small; almost none, for I know there is no way around it. I just accept it. When the time is right, I will find what I need.

Sometimes answering your own questions require the most space. In the past, I had busied myself with multiple tasks in order to push my thoughts away until I felt I had time for them. Now, I wish not to be so busy. I am not in a hurry nor do I wish to be. I am hoping life cooperates on this small detail with me and I can take the time I need to make the right decisions. For now, yes..I am in waiting. But this waiting will be brief and the answers will come. Everything is tied together in a nice, artistic way as if gossamer ribbon carefully holds it all together.

I am thinking this not wanting to leave the house is not so much a feeling that I will miss something but rather I will set things into motion faster by leaving. It is not as if I can slow things any by hiding away. I only need moments of clarity and the will to speak my mind without worry what others will think. If I hesitate, it is because I have wandered this path before and my words were not heard. The words were heard but not believed. I will try again to say them, different words this time but still with the same intent and feeling behind them.

It takes courage to speak any words, let alone the full naked truth. Are you ready to listen to anyone approaching you today with all the words that spill out?