I am at that point today, in waiting. Feeling like something is about to happen and I can not leave the house for I feel like I might miss something if I do. I have many thoughts rattling about in my head that won't come together for I find myself fighting them. When I put myself in this predicament, I read my previous writings to try and gain insight. Funny thought, isn't it? To gain insight into yourself.
The questions that are asked by me or other people seem to be the same. Or perhaps we are just fishing for the same answers. I am unable to lie so when I am presented with a question I am not ready for I simply say "I don't know". It's not a lie really; it’s just that I truly don't know. I don't know if I am ready to answer the question that is. An even better admission is I am not ready to tell myself the answer.
I need a place to retreat to and I am physically unable to do so. Hours and hours will pass before I am able to truly retreat. I am finding I want and require more "head space". I can no longer find it where I am at. I can usually accomplish this separation of space, head and heart no matter where I am geographically. Frustration of the task not completed is small; almost none, for I know there is no way around it. I just accept it. When the time is right, I will find what I need.
Sometimes answering your own questions require the most space. In the past, I had busied myself with multiple tasks in order to push my thoughts away until I felt I had time for them. Now, I wish not to be so busy. I am not in a hurry nor do I wish to be. I am hoping life cooperates on this small detail with me and I can take the time I need to make the right decisions. For now, yes..I am in waiting. But this waiting will be brief and the answers will come. Everything is tied together in a nice, artistic way as if gossamer ribbon carefully holds it all together.
I am thinking this not wanting to leave the house is not so much a feeling that I will miss something but rather I will set things into motion faster by leaving. It is not as if I can slow things any by hiding away. I only need moments of clarity and the will to speak my mind without worry what others will think. If I hesitate, it is because I have wandered this path before and my words were not heard. The words were heard but not believed. I will try again to say them, different words this time but still with the same intent and feeling behind them.
It takes courage to speak any words, let alone the full naked truth. Are you ready to listen to anyone approaching you today with all the words that spill out?
On the beach
My toes must always enter the water.
About Me
- Finding Abigail
- I have been lost a few times but never for long. I always find my way back home, to the very heart of me. This is the story of "finding Abigail". Abigail was the childhood name I gave myself. She was a dreamer, a lover of life and believed in the magic of love. She wished on stars and reached for the moon even when no one lifted her up. I once told myself I would not lose myself to a man but I did. I once told myself I would never find love but I did. I am still waiting to see who sticks around forever....This is my personal journey, thank you for joining me.
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