Dropping All Pretense

I am no longer in limbo, somehow it seems. I do not know how my mind set changed for my physical location has not yet changed. The melancholy, hurt and anger has given way to bewilderment. My new task is to learn to trust myself again, forgive myself and enjoy what life has to offer.

Offerings....the morning sky offers promise of a beautiful day filled with song put forth by the birds that scatter about when I open the door.

The length of the day is filled with a bit of chaos that when I step back I can enjoy it for the silliness that it is. Ten feet of foil strung through the dining room, motorcycles and cars piled on top of me when I nap and stick horses that have come to rest and snack on my piles of paperwork.

When the evening happens upon me and if I have not yet ventured out I find I must do so before the sun has completely left the sky. The nights crisp air is most definitely welcomed and I do not shy away from the darkness of it.



There are times when I can not find the words and remain silent. This will not happen often, if it does you must wonder to yourself how this woman that writes endlessly can be speechless? The words are there, in my head, my heart and stuck at the back of my throat. When I find myself in this predicament, do I look at you with bewilderment? It is the look of searching, trying to find the words to put out to you so you understand.

I was told this evening that I do not have the capability to hate someone nor am I able to hold onto anger for long. This is a nice trait I suppose but one that makes some life situations more difficult for myself and this is why I often find myself planted here. Here, at the simple computer table next to the dining room window, music on and pillow stuck under me for comfort.

I sort things out here, sometimes on the blog, sometimes in email to my best friend and sometimes in emails that never get sent. I would like to get back to the point where I can inspire you and lift you up. In the meantime, I am working on lifting myself up. This is something I feel I must do on my own and luckily, I don't have far to go.....

Good Evening...

This being my first post here I should keep it short. Any of you that know me also know that this would be next to impossible to do. I begin to write and it's like sitting down to talk to an old friend. I could go on for hours and hours.

There may be times when you will want to grab your morning coffee, other times you may want to grab your tissues and a bowl of ice cream and sometimes you may just want to sit down with a cup of tea and travel a journey with me down life's lovely lane.

I always revert to this, writing. My world can be spinning, the dishes can be left undone and laundry may pile up. But as long as I have either journals, paper or the computer to sort out my thoughts I am centered. Sometimes, it takes many visits to get to this point. It's my way of talking things through.

Life is a lovely trip...it can also be ugly, harsh and bitter. Bittersweet like chocolate is a good thing. Keeping everything in perspective and remembering life is lovely works for me. It gets me through the rough patches. I always claimed I was a positive force and I would still like to believe that.

I have had a life filled with memories. Deaths~too many to count, marriages~no comment, childbirth~two that lived, jobs~several that I can say I enjoyed, travel~a little but I still have places I want to go. Love~this is an endless subject which will be discussed here. It is a roller coaster at times but one that I continue to get on....I love roller coasters, real ones and I love ~LOVE~.

Love makes you do crazy things. You fly thousands of miles to see your love....You call your love at random times.....you gush to anyone who will listen about your love........you show your true self quite by accident and all the while for some reason, you are not scared of being seen.

This brings about change. Now, you are showing everyone your true self for if you hide, no one really gets to know you. I was once Abigail the Wall Flower...too shy to say hi to the boys, so shy I hid up against the wall. I once hid behind a blog. I hide no longer.

If a employer or a customer of mine read this, my only desire would be that they understand I am a real person who is fair, honest and devoted to those close to her. Devoted also to sharing her gift of writing. If you are given a gift, why hide it away?

I may write as if in journals or I may write poetry....either way enjoy and remember to always live your life to its fullest. We have only one and it is not a dress rehearsal.

Blessings,
Tera
aka Abigail the Wallflower, no longer in hiding.