It Is That Time Again

To roll back the carpet, turn the music up and dance like it's your last day on earth. If it were your last day on earth, what would you busy yourself with? Hopefully you have loved fully so that you don't have regrets and people to look up in your last days that you need to say apologies to. If the people in your life know they have been loved fully and you wished to spend the last of your days wandering alone, they would understand for you have already given them everything you are capable of.

It's a toss up for me, what I would do with my last days. If I have not had a chance I would like to see Ireland, sit myself in a pub where no one knows me and relax. Walk down a country lane built of the earth and kick rocks. If I had the opportunity, I would swim in the clearest water I could find and let the fish join me. I would find a mountain to sit upon, damp earth touching me and lay back, resting my tired body on the grass and let the sun warm my face.

I have a wonderful family I can rely on, aunts, uncles and cousins. My daughter and a son who is just beginning to talk. What I haven't found is a lasting bond with my soul mate. I hold out for this and wish that in my last days he is here with me to enjoy the walk down the country lane. It's that touchy subject again that I try and stay clear of but will constantly find myself on.

I did find someone....and he is not with me.

So when it is the end of your days and you are alone, who is it that you wish you had at your side? Shall you now seek this person out knowing that it is never too late for love, for forgiveness and for trusting your heart to another?

There is a certain joy that you can find in solitude, spending your last days alone even though you know there are people you could be spending them with. Relying on yourself to find peace at this time....then again, maybe you will choose to surround yourself with the people of your life. Imagine one big farewell, who would be there to share a meal and share a toast with you? Who can you rely on and are these very people the ones that keep you centered here even though you never have had your soul mate.


My last days...hopefully very far off. I start my new chapter very soon and I plan on filling it with all the things I wish to do before I have regrets. My family knows I love them and cherish them, I do not leave this unsaid. I may not be able to travel far away but I know I will fill my days with joy.

Right now, simple joys are already here. Chasing my boy through the house while he plays drums and I play with the electric piano. Blowing bubbles on his tummy and kissing his toes. Having the dog barge in between us while we hug and listening to good music while watching the lilac bushes move in the wind. Watching my daughter grow into a young lady and being proud of her accomplishments.


This is enough for now but I wish for more. Each time I voice my wishes or get them clear in my head something in life happens to change my path. Now, my details are foggy, all I can do is move ahead through the mist and hope for a clear dawn on the other side. Baby steps...a little wobbly but moving forward with eagerness, curiosity and anticipation.

Thank you for joining me this fine day!