Thursday, May 20, 2010

Catalyst, Catapult and Caution

Several months back, in fact as far back as September my life catapulted in a different direction. Once I choose a path there is most certainly no turning back. I am not quick to make judgments nor do I voice them right away. I take my time to assess, examine the facts and my feelings about them before I proceed. Proceed with caution....

Except when it comes to love. It seems love strikes me blind and I forget all common sense. I am taken in, wrapped up in its world and I forget all else around me. This kind of love makes you crazy. It puts you on the highest highs and the lowest of lows. If I could love and keep my senses about me, that would be perfection. I have found this kind of love or had, I thought just once. Examining the past I know what I felt before was mixed emotions, but not love.

Once love has let me down, I do all I can to explain it away. I find ways to distract from it, forget it and even discredit it. Failure to do so confuses me and I feel only time will heal this wound. There is no action or communication to set my thoughts in any other direction. As soon as I start to get this planted in my head, a little line comes through...a note....an email....a doubt from somewhere within. Why can I not let it go? Simple, really. Because he has not let me and I have not let myself.

The catalyst....a man from my past. More than two decades went by without a word from him and he contacted me to find out what went wrong with us. I won't get into this story. Let's just say that having someone from that long ago remind you that it is never to late for love or to start over sends a pretty strong message. No, we are not together nor will we ever be. He just happened to speak the right words at the right time since I was already headed down the path to my own happiness and rediscovery.

So, we revisit caution once again. I forgot caution and didn't have my armor on. Love should not need such words as caution and armor. What it needs are reinforcements in the way of respect, communication and devotion. How many chances do you give love and how much caution do you exercise when doing so? I always say I will be hard and level headed but we all know that once we are within touching range of our love that all common sense and caution catapults out the door.