There is a Lot to Cover

It's just been not even a full day since I posted here. I have been out and would like to ponder in black and white text bits of conversation that I shared this evening. I was posed a question...How long do you look for love? When do you give up? My gut reaction made me blurt out the first thing that came to mind which was "Never". Never give up looking for love.

This is an extremely touchy subject for me at the moment and one that I can not go into too much detail on personally for the fear of giving away too much. Since when have I been anything less than forthright? I write in vagueness and stories but always if you search you can see the reality and the truth within. Is it my truth or is it something you are searching for?

The only way really to know is ask me. You may not feel the need to do this but instead take the words and use them to fit your own story. I did give up looking for love. There are words you don't have to guess the meaning on. The very moment I gave up looking, I believe love found me. Then, I lost it....I can not say if I will have the chance to get it back.

There is a lot to cover. Forty one years worth of life, in fact. I may jump around in the story, I may give you glimpses of joy and pain. When we experience the pain of life I believe it makes us appreciate the joys that much more.

Currently, I am distancing myself from things. I am in limbo and am looking forward to my new life. What this life holds I do not know nor do I wish to. Not knowing can be a joy if I choose to look at it as an adventure. That's a thought that just popped into my head. My life has certainly been an adventure.

Another part of this conversation I had tonight was talk of knowing being alone would be okay but at the same time knowing being alone is not what I want. I also do not want to be with someone out of convenience or because I am an option. I am more than that, I hold great treasures in my heart that given the right circumstance I just may decide to share with someone. Having already done this recently and still not knowing what has become of it, I am reluctant to share this side of me again.

A very wise person once said when going into battle for love you have to wear your silk shirt not your armor...or something like that. It is times like these that I feel my armor clanking tight around me and it is not a noise I welcome. However, It is a necessary one at the moment. I am sure someday soon my armor will break free and I will once again wear my finest silk shirt out to battle.

Who will be there to join me in the field? My very being aches at the thought that lasting love doesn't exist for I wish to believe in the magic of love, destiny and karma. How do you continue to believe when love lets you down? You gather reserves of forgiveness and patience is what you do and wait to see if there is anyone in the field waiting to hold you.